Notable Quotable:

Notable Quotable:

Remember, folks: whenever a woman says "die for me because you are a man," just look her in the eye and say "my body, my choice."

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Radical Theology

Ever read the Bible?  Specifically the New Testament?  More specifically, the teachings of Jesus Christ, who is the only known divine human in the history of the world? (that is, assuming you believe...)  I've heard a few sermons about what would happen if Jesus came to this world today, as a human being.  They were pretty vague, intended to make us consider the differences between the true Jesus and our modern idea of him.  He was, after all, quite the radical in His time, and He would be today as well.  Here's what I think would happen if Jesus appeared in human form, today in America:

He would teach about love and forgiveness, saying that these principles are more important than the old rules of the church.  He would tell us that we should give our worldly possessions to the poor, and trade high social status for humility.  Notably absent, I suspect, would be any angry tirades against non-Christians, gays, public aid parasites, or whoever else we love to hate. He would tell us that he loves them, and so should we.  (He may actually have a bone to pick with the moneylenders.)  He might perform a few miracles, convincing those around him that he is indeed our divine Father.  Then Word would get out, so to speak.

Skeptics who see His "miracles" on TV, would assume special effects were involved, and would ridicule believers for their gullibility.  The mainstream "liberal" news media would have psychiatrists and sociologists explain that He is a well-intentioned, idealistic man who's clearly delusional, and may be planning to start a potentially dangerous cult.  Keep a close eye on your loved ones, especially those with mental illness and low self esteem; they could be vulnerable.

TLC would try to sign Him for a reality-TV show.

The leaders of the Christian church would immediately recognize him as a threat to their authority and income, and would promptly denounce him as the Anti-Christ, here to deceive us and lead us all to Hell.  Given the opportunity, they would cheerfully (and righteously, of course) crucify him all over again.

Congress would run around in circles with its collective head up its collective ass, occasionally bleating out inane sound-bites.  As usual.

Fox news would scream, "Socialist!!"  "Anti-American!!"  "Bleeding heart liberal!!"  Bill O'Reilly would verbally annihilate Him in an interview, and Jesus would not protest.  Glenn Beck would stand in front of a chalkboard, and tell us that Jesus is clearly the most dangerous man in America.  He would illustrate, in terms a moron could grasp, how this "so-called Savior" uses his charisma to prey upon the uninformed, and to indoctrinate our innocent children, turning their pure little hearts away from all that we-as-Americans hold dear.  "Just like Hitler."

Jesus himself would be squashed like a cockroach in modern America.  His words, however,  live on quietly in the hearts of many, hopefully overriding the teachings of society and religion.


  1. If you want to know what Jesus was like back in the day, look at an Afghan or Iraqi. They are today much the same way they were two thousand years ago. His image has been so Americanized that even his own momma would know the 20th century one.

  2. Too true, Coffeypot! We all think of him as a white European!

  3. If Jesus had a choice, I'm pretty sure he would not come back.


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.