"Not only are we Disney Princesses, we are Smart Modern Disney Princesses(!) as well. We are destined to marry Prince Charming, and we’re magically empowered to transform any man into Prince Charming. (That’s the “kissing a frog” part of the story.) We forge a suit of armor during our childhood, and as adults we go down to central casting and grab a guy who looks the part, then cram him into that armor. We kiss and kiss and kiss for a while, but the frog never becomes a prince. When the seams start to tear out because the armor doesn’t fit, we discard the man (excuse me, the “frog who hoodwinked us”), keep the suit of armor, and go looking for the REAL Prince Charming. Oh, and by the way, this process takes work, patience and dedication, which (hello!) are Virtues! And Gosh! This IS the real world, after all. Life can be hard! How can you begrudge us a roof over our heads while we are on this epic quest to fulfill our destiny? I mean, SOMEBODY has to do it, right?
A surplus of survival resources + feminism + mass media + the emotion-dominated female brain = a sheltered fairy-tale existence for approximately 50% of the population."
And sadly, that "sheltered fairy-tale existence" is almost entirely in our heads. It's what we're dreaming of as we struggle to make ends meet between men. It's much less frightening to daydream than it is to end the cycle we have created. We deny our responsibility in our failed relationships (choosing a bad mate, denigrating a potentially good mate instead of supporting his potential.) Yes, some men are very good at hiding their lack of potential, but we do tend to ignore even the smallest red flags. And when some men veer off the path smack in the middle of an ordinary relationship, there really was nothing we could have done to prevent it. But for the most part, we sabotage our relationships out of impatience, instead of committing to improve them, and we can afford to do this because someone else will help pay the bills while we "regroup" to start again from scratch. What a pathetic waste. Feminism has been redefined, not to make us legally equal, but to allow us to be children who pretend we are "the same" as men. Only better.
Face it. Most mature true alphas became alphas while married to supportive women. A smart woman doesn't go for the player who looks like an alpha, she goes for the beta who is on the alpha track. It takes a little time to distinguish between a confirmed beta and an alpha-to-be beta, but it's worth the effort. 99% of the time, the guy you want to marry is already married to a smart girl who took a chance, did her homework on him, and did everything in her power to build his confidence and reward his progress. Good men don't exist in a vacuum - Prince Charming doesn't ride a white horse out of your dreams and into your life. If your hackles are raised at the thought of "humbling yourself" enough to be a supportive wife, don't expect your beta to become an alpha, or your player to reform. Ain't gonna happen.
Face it. Most mature true alphas became alphas while married to supportive women. A smart woman doesn't go for the player who looks like an alpha, she goes for the beta who is on the alpha track. It takes a little time to distinguish between a confirmed beta and an alpha-to-be beta, but it's worth the effort. 99% of the time, the guy you want to marry is already married to a smart girl who took a chance, did her homework on him, and did everything in her power to build his confidence and reward his progress. Good men don't exist in a vacuum - Prince Charming doesn't ride a white horse out of your dreams and into your life. If your hackles are raised at the thought of "humbling yourself" enough to be a supportive wife, don't expect your beta to become an alpha, or your player to reform. Ain't gonna happen.
Wow!
ReplyDeleteI kinda like being a Beta, being tested all the time. Being an Alpha can get boring. There is no challenge when you are at the top of the heap. As for women...I'll take'em any way they come...for a short time. But I don't need'em now, I have Judy.
ReplyDeleteI don't even know if this is an intelligent comment in light of what you said (too many pills today), but my best friend asked me why we turned into such princesses who expect men to do things for us (her husband died about a month after mine left me). I told her the men turned us into princesses. My husband didn't want me to work in the yard. I can give a million examples of work he thought was not befitting my station. Her husband played DVDs for her, changed the vacuum cleaner bags, and set the clocks on their appliances. I asked her if she had requested he perform these tasks, and she said no. As for me, I wanted to work in the yard and learn how to do things, but I was always in the way and told to go read a book. Then my husband ended up angry with me because I was so helpless. He wanted me helpless (although I really wasn't because I held down the fort while he traveled and raised the children on my own), but then because of the tasks I didn't know how to do, he hated me for my helplessness. Does this make any sense? Does anyone care?
ReplyDeleteI care. I want my children to have better lives than mines.
Love,
Lola
I care too, and it makes a lot of sense.
ReplyDeleteIt's a form of pedestalizing. We are trained to expect it and men are trained to do it. Some men chafe at it, some men use it to gain control of us - we can't leave if we're helpless. They know we have options. If a man is actively abusive, we NEED options, but modern women aren't trained to dedicate ourselves to lifelong marriage, and being more emotional than logical, we are more likely to give up in disgust or discouragement the first time we feel "unfulfullied." Once the ink is dry on the marriage certificate, men are at our mercy. we have the legal power to make them paupers and/or ruin their lives with criminal records. Most men choose to try to keep us around by either trying to make us helpless, or kissing our asses ad nauseum. Most of them won't simply LEAD us (which is their biological role) because they haven't been taught how, or they're afraid we won't follow. The irony there is that if they lead, we WILL follow, almost all of us, because that's OUR biological role. (and they're figuring this out.) Modern feminism has taught both genders that "He's not the boss of me!" We're not allowed to follow, and they're SURE AS HELL not allowed to presume to lead. I would guess that in your case, he was deeply insecure and manipulative due to latent schizophrenia? I suspect he did it to disable you, then discovered that the "monster" he created was a burden he couldn't carry.
Check out a few "game" blogs, and see the simplest things they advise men to do in order to get the female response they want. But don't be shocked; it won't take you long to see these are the exact same techniques women have been sharing with each other for generations.
The scary part is, men are learning to do it with scientific precision. Look for a man who offers what you need, not what you think you want. But first do a little research to figure out what you need - hint - you won't find it on "women's" blogs. The manosphere is an exciting place for an intelligent, moral woman. There are a fair number of bitter, resentful men who pretty much despise all women, but mostly there's a lot of refreshingly frank honesty about how we think. You'll know in a hurry if you can't take some hard truths, because you'll be deeply offended right off the bat. Swallow that reflex and pay attention.
Not schizophrenic -- bipolar disorder leaning toward mania, disassociative but not multiple personalities, pathological liar.
ReplyDeleteLola
Holy Shit Lola! You are so lucky to have gotten away from that. A guy like that can warp your whole brain after a few years; how did you ever manage to find reality again?
ReplyDeleteI never knew that much was takin into account. Great post!
ReplyDeleteGreat stuff Suz. I think there is much to be said for a woman finding a man with true potential when looking to marry. There is of course some risk here and it assumes the woman can accurately discern these things. What most women want (for obvious reasons) is to wait until all of the lottery tickets have been scratched until deciding which one to buy. Hard to argue with if it works, but the question is why would you expect to still be able to buy the ticket at the same price you would have before it was scratched? The best bet is to wait until the ticket/man is developed enough that you can make a fair bet on his potential, but not wait until every other woman can see that he is a winner. The fact that women's SMV/MMV peaks so much earlier than men's is something she can use to her great advantage. Yet ironically it is women who are most against making other women aware of this. I wrote my own thoughts on how a woman might go about this process here: Calibrating attraction by controlling the venue.
ReplyDeleteA smart woman doesn't go for the player who looks like an alpha, she goes for the beta who is on the alpha track. It takes a little time to distinguish between a confirmed beta and an alpha-to-be beta, but it's worth the effort.
I would quibble a bit on the terminology, simply because I think roissy's description of alpha is what so many women respond to. It strikes me as more instructive to leave the concept there if nothing else as a cautionary form. There is danger in denying the darker side of women's attraction triggers, as we see with so many women describing exes with dark triad traits. So often they describe their experiences as representing normal men, because this what they have experienced. They are wholly unaware that they actually sought these out, walking past a line of truly good men to get to the attractive bad boy. Likewise, the right man should be attractive enough for you to fall head over heels in love with, but don't expect him to be the man all of the other women are competing for. If all of the other women want him, odds are high you aren't looking at a man who will remain faithful. Part of this is opportunity, part of this is personality type (his game is always on near 100%), and part of this is the effect that preselection has on women's attraction triggers. Still, I like the idea of discerning the fake from the real deal,and included a metaphor you may like
this post.
Thanks for the links, Dalrock!
ReplyDeleteWow.
ReplyDeleteI've got to get my wife to read this.
She's definitely the reason I'm an Alpha now. A real eye-opener for me. Thanks Suz.
What can I do but agree with everything you just said. I have been arguing that Feminism was all about relieving women of any need to grow up for years. Want to know the Feminist position on anything? Ask an 8 year old girl.
ReplyDeleteI suspect you will have better luck communicating that idea.
Regarding helping a Beta to become an Alpha, I suppose it depends on what you think an Alpha is. I absolutely agree that the support of a good woman contributes to the development of a good man.
"Ask an 8 year old girl." Wow. That pretty much sums it up, doesn't it?
ReplyDeleteNicely done! And remember support DOES go both ways! :-)
ReplyDelete