Blogger Messes With My Head

Yes, I'm blaming Blogger; it couldn't be my fault....

I can be oversensitive.  Bet you’re stunned!  I’ve been on Blogger for a little over a year now, and yesterday I thought for a moment that I had alienated one of my first “imaginary” friends.  Yes that’s the term I use, very much tongue in cheek.  It’s a sort of a statement to my real-life “friends” who actually think they know me.  A few really do, but not many.  “Beat” roundly criticized a comment I made, and when I tried to explain myself better, I couldn’t post my comment.  So being me, instead of reminding myself that Blogger goes all squirrelly on a regular basis, I freaked and went into a brief panic.  ‘Cause believe it or not, I’m a little insecure.

 “Oh no!  He blocked me!  He hates me and he never wants to speak to me again!  AAAAAGH!”  (and God knows it is all about me.)   Then I calmed down and e-mailed my comment.  But it got me thinking.  We’ve had some good discussions, both on his blog and privately.  It would really hurt to lose his regard.  We have a lot of beliefs in common, thought we often approach them from different perspectives.  I know that doesn’t make much sense, but because of it, and due to my inability to quickly organize my thoughts,  I often come across as if I disagree with him, or at least am challenging him.  I commented on a post and either he didn’t read it very carefully, or it was kind of cryptic and tangential.”   See, I never know how best to say what I want to say.  While everything I’m thinking is so obvious to me, I have no clue how “obvious” it is to others.  (usually, not very)  So for the sake of clarity, do I turn it into a dissertation and explain every detail? If I do, I may insult someone's intelligence.  After all, this stuff is obvious, remember?  But I forget that my logic, while sound, isn’t very linear; it’s more like a ball of yarn.  It’s all there, end to end, but it’s wrapped around itself and awfully convoluted.  Explaining it can get a little long for a blog comment.  And boring.  Anyway, he said he was disappointed in me, and suggested that I’ve bought into “liberal propaganda.”  He was totally justified, too.  I did use a couple of ideological buzzwords, allowing him to assume the worst.  

You see, that's something I do on purpose.  I do it in political and religious discussions, not so I can “Gotcha!” people (as in, “Hey, that’s not how I meant it.  You’re making assumptions!”) but because I’m on a personal mission to TAKE BACK THOSE WORDS!!!  In this case, I used the word “oppression” in reference to modern black culture.  Oh, the Horror!  But what do you call it when politicians, in the name of “compassion,” have emasculated an entire segment of the population, for generations?  That’s how this raving liberal sees the “Great Society.”  For 50 years now, the government has given, for free, everything poor urban blacks need to survive.  Just barely.  Not what they need to prosper, but just enough to keep them alive and totally dependent on the Democratic Party.  And those who vote, vote appropriately, don’t they?  It’s a relationship of symbiotic parasitism.  (See how smart I am?  Thanks, SisterEditor!)  The urban poor and those who feel sorry for them, keep the “providers” in power, because, you know, these poor people need this help.  And the politicians give the poor people some crumbs in exchange, few enough crumbs so that they stay poor.  Said politicians also spend billions of our tax dollars paying their cronies and supporters to administer the crumb-providing programs.  The result: generations of urban blacks being paid not to work, at an obscene cost to a nation that can’t afford it.  Add a shitty public education system and substance abuse to the mix, and you have a group of people who are guaranteed to go NOWHERE!  Then it gets worse.  How do the men in this isolated population prove their worth among their peers when on paper, everybody is “equal” (and at the bottom of the totem pole?)   How do they stand out, validate their existence?  This is not a luxury, it’s a basic human need; we’d have been extinct a long time ago without it.  The answer seems to be violence.  If working for an honest living is a chump’s game, and you don’t know how to play that game anyway, how do you establish social dominance?  You scare the hell out of everyone you know, by pounding on them and killing them.  These people are furious, but I’ll bet most of them don’t even know why.  In their anger, they lash out at each other and anyone they can.  They certainly hate Whitey, because hey,Whitey doesn’t give them enough.  Ironically, they’re right.  The government has sabotaged all their efforts to become productive and independent, with their consent and comlpicity, and after so many years they no longer know how NOT to play along.  I personally believe that the answer is to give them less, not more.  On their own, they’ll figure it out.  They’ll discover they have real options.  They’re not stupid.  They’ll suffer while they learn, but this whole nation is about to learn a thing or two about suffering.    The downside for the rest of us is that after all this time, the poor urban black population has become a dangerous animal.  If we let it out of it’s cage, it’s very likely to bite us.  Of course, the cage is now crumbling anyway; we can’t ignore the animal any longer, and we can’t avoid it.

Hmm.  Oh Yeah!  Back to the subject at hand.  I never considered myself to be the type of person who pushes people’s buttons for the fun of it, but it is fair to say I was needling him a little.  Is that excused by the fact that it was unintentional?  Please?  How should I handle these discussions?  I’m intelligent, but not exactly quick-witted.  I really, really  need to consider and digest.  It takes a little time for me to formulate a solid, rational statement, one that connects all the dots.  By the time I’m ready to display my incomparable brilliance, everybody else has moved on.  Just when I’m really getting into it!

You know, I’d be a lot more popular if I just handed out compliments and agreed with everybody, but that’s not why I’m here!  I have to do the Sycophant Shuffle in real life all the time.  I work with the public but since I represent a “government agency,” I’m not allowed to have an opinion.  Here in Blogland, I want to be free to be the real Suzy.  Even if she’s a little off the wall.  I sure don’t want to lose any of my new friends, but if they like me for the wrong reasons, why should I care?