Saturday, February 11, 2012
The White Knight
"the white knight sees his service to the weaker vessel as good and pure"
This one grabbed me. I have a problem with the concept of "weaker vessel," but not because it's inherently chauvinistic. Christianity puts a moral spin on a natural truth. Women's essential "weakness" is our biological need for greater security (hypergamy) combined with our emotional volatility (which inhibits our ability to rationally prioritize our needs.) The moral implication is that we should either be condemned for it, or protected from it, because it is inherently BAD. The Christian model assumes that we are like young children, incapable of using our nature responsibly without being micromanaged. The result is that Christianity doesn't hold women accountable - we can't help it. The white knight believes it's his duty to protect every woman from herself. In reality, if he would lead her she would choose to follow, but he believes she's incapable of following. Therefore he ties her to his apron strings to keep her "safe."
Ironically, white knights are actually the very worst sort of "male chauvinist pigs," due to the depth of their blind condescension. No wonder we secretly despise them. We're drawn to men who lead and give us the OPTION to follow or not, and who allow us to suffer the consequences if we make the wrong choices. Consequences are what motivate us to make the right choices.
Today, Empathologicalism published a wonderful analogy, defining the White Knight as (literally) a tool, a useful idiot.
http://empathological.wordpress.com/2012/02/11/empathy-vs-ego/
excerpt:
"White knights are driven be ego as much as the most raw alpha male. White knights think they have a sort of game, that self effacement of men by men is seen as courageous, and rewarded as such by women. This is particularly effective on the internet, or in large groups such as church congregations or seminars where there are mixed gender audiences. These men conflate female approval with having insight into how to comport with females. These men are worse than Pavlovian.
But the positive feedback they get is actually making them all the more pathetic. They do not garner anything real. The nature of the compliments they receive from women are like the comments a man makes as he walks past a display of cool new power tools at Lowe’s."
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Now you see what happens when we let a little lady thing and speak her mind. You just settle down now, little Missy, and go do the dishes. Sir John the Noble will take care of anything that is bothering you. Now scat (with a little slap on the butt.)
ReplyDeleteParty Pooper! BH is coming home Monday (YAAAAAY!!!) and I have a list of chores as long as my arm!
DeleteThe natural order wins again!
(You're not a Beta as you want us to think you are...)
The “white knight” excuses a woman's behavior and often believes in the fallacy that women are more moral. In practice this becomes pandering.
ReplyDeleteThe “alpha enough man” holds women accountable to the same principles that he abides by in his life. Often this means enforcing boundaries, which are beneficial to her well being.
A domineering man is not alpha since he will control her to standards that he does not apply to himself.
The “alpha enough man” (with integrity and compassion) is capable of loving a woman for who she is, not who he (or she) thinks she “should be.” This allows him to be a leader with benevolent dominance, which is not in any way condescension. In fact such a man values a woman more highly than the “white knight.”
One other point. I think I don't like the word "enforcing," regarding boundaries. I see a leader as "establishing" clear boundaries; self-enforcement by the follower is in her best interests, and it builds her confidence in herself and her leader.
DeleteBoundaries are first established and then enforced. A man IS also accountable to his woman.
DeleteBoundaries without some kind of enforcement are meaningless.
Good point. If she doesn't self-enforce, she should be required to toe the line or leave. I guess that IS enforcement.
DeleteRegular little "reminders" of who's in charge can be helpful for maintaining boundaries. It is calmingly reassuring to know that the boundaries are still there, without having to push against them in order to meet with resistance.
Delete"In fact such a man values a woman more highly than the “white knight."
ReplyDeleteExactly. The entire philosophy of the white knight is base on the false assumption that women are lesser beings, and therefore not as valuable as men.
And they feel so good about themselves for helping the presumably helpless.
They feel good about themselves because they think they "are not like other guys"....meaning the alpha or stronger beta guys.
Deletethe fact that they feel good about themselves though is anything but altruistic. Its the same ego driven urge to compete with other men, they are just playing a game that they THINK tilts the field in their favor, poor tools, best stick with Handy Manny
Yes. "Charity" as a status symbol. It's like donating to a non-profit that's popular but corrupt. It's great for a man's image, but it actually does more harm than good.
DeleteI am not a Beta. I am ALPHA all the way. Leader of the pack. Man in charge. The ONE! Judy said I could be.
ReplyDeleteVery interesting. Dr. X thinks he's a white knight of sorts, but he's just crazy.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Janie