It feels like this big new pit in my life is changing shape. It's not as deep as it was a couple of months ago, but it has widened; I'm moving forward and carrying it with me by its edge, stretching it across the surface of time. I suppose it will eventually become a thin layer of my life, like an inch of rainwater spread over a big field as opposed to a small but deep lake. It will probably even absorb into the surface, always there but not always noticeable.
I'm closing on the house tomorrow and driving back to Hooterville Wednesday. Thursday is mostly business - driver's license and tags, and a haircut by Dave! A checkup at the doctor's office, and time with friends. Saturday I head up to The Frozen North. While I'm on the road, my parents will be too; SisterFed and SisterEMT are helping them move to SisterFed's town in the Wild West. I'm going to spend a few months at SisterEMT's apartment, and visit our parents from there. I'll also spend a bit of time in my hometown nearby and I might toddle on over to Sunny California to visit The Corporal. Somewhere in there I WILL be taking Captain Capitalism out for lunch!
http://captaincapitalism.blogspot.com/
Beyond mid-winter, I don't know, but that's OK. I don't need to find a paid job yet; I now receive a monthly pension payment and I have enough cash to live modestly for a couple of years if necessary (without touching my nest egg.) I have until next summer to decide whether or not I'll live in my rental house, and the Corporal is applying to his preferred university. I just might buy a house in CollegeTown, and oddly enough ;) The Corporal likes that idea - something about privacy and a garage for his motorcycle, plus a few home-cooked meals and a live-in laundress...
While I'm in the Frozen North I think I'll (re)develop an old job skill too. I tended bar for a while in college and I loved it, and I think that would be a good part-time job for me. I'm a night owl, and I suspect that a MHRA bartender in a college town could do a lot of good. Just sayin'. And I am SO looking forward to getting back into blogland and my work with A Voice for Men! The Coyote Shivers/Pauley Perrette/LA County Courts story is getting bigger, and Pauley and her pals are about to find themselves in some pretty hot water. Harassment, intimidation, perjury and corruption can come back and bite you in the ass, and all the money in Hollywood can't keep this story under wraps. I almost (but not quite) feel sorry for all the Hollywood "news" reporters who would give their eye teeth to get their hands on this story, but would lose their jobs if they published it. Additionally, I'll be starting on a rather huge behind-the-scenes project, but I can't say much about it yet. If we get it off the ground, it will immediately help a lot of men in dire need.
So today I will pack my suitcases and one or two small boxes. I never thought I'd be ready and willing to walk away from this future I had planned with WolfAlpha, but I need this weird state of limbo to end. Sorting through everything I own and putting his last few personal items where I can find them but not stumble upon them unexpectedly, has been good for me. I hope he doesn't mind a winter in the upper midwest, because I'll be carrying him around in my heart.
Onward.
Your post is beautiful, and it breaks my heart.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Janie
Being strong, and being able to move on,is a great testimony to your late husband and your marriage. Too few men have a partner in marriage instead of a dependent. Only the best wishes here for you.
ReplyDeleteI think you have a great outlook about your future. We all carry our past with us in one form or another and only time and new experiences determine how much of a weight the past will be. Enjoy the next few weeks and face the winter when it gets here. Drive safe and travel prayers for you.
ReplyDeleteWind at your back and all that.
ReplyDeleteKeep in touch.
You're in my prayers, Suz.
ReplyDeleteTom here. I have a question for you. Assuming that a wife is physically able to have sex and it's not a physical health issue, does she have a right to deny sex to her husband; does she own her own body in a marriage?
ReplyDelete"does she have a right to deny sex to her husband" ?
DeleteShort answer: yes.
Longer answer: She also has a moral obligation to sacrifice some of her own "wants" for her husband's needs. (He has the same obligation, but we tend to take his for granted, while hers is optional.) There are two separate issues involved in withholding sex. One is the need for sex itself and the other is HIS need to not be cruelly manipulated.
Every interaction in every relationship as a negotiation. When a man commits to a single woman he gives her a great deal of power over his sexuality, and he does so in good faith. It is utterly depraved for a women to use that power in bad faith.
As I've said before. If you need anything in Central or Northern IN and IL ( I have homes in both) drop me a "Do NOT Post" message with contact info and whatever help you need will be there. I've been where you are, and it's a chasm of a place. Don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Brigid.
DeleteCould you please, please, please do me a favor ASAP and send me a birthday card for my (former) MIL's 80th? I want to send her 80 cards, and I still need 46. Her name is Margaret. Address:
ReplyDeleteJanie Goltz
PO Box 61371
Jacksonville FL 32236
I would appreciate it so much.
Sure Janie! What a wonderful idea! I'll send one out tomorrow
DeleteHow did I miss this post? Made me tear up. Onward you go! And please come back here when you are ready. I miss your sassy self. I'll catch you on the other forums.
ReplyDeleteNice work contesting the Shiver frame-up, and calling out the real criminals, our court officials. Another corrupt, male-hating prosecutor's office and local legal culture. It's always the Same Game, from L.A. to Maine. They've had full and free rein for so many decades, they now believe they can do anything they wish to any male they wish, as long as he can't defend himself financially. Already these people, and their like-minded associates, have destroyed countless lives. But, hey, their victims were only males, after all. Deserved their beatdowns.
ReplyDeleteI back you 100 percent in this effort. Go get 'em.
Just read your article "A Mom," the one about why men are pumping and dumping. Feminism being that reason. And to think, had it nog been for the MRAs of yesteryear, feminism would have never happened. And now today's MRAs are throwing tantrums all over the net. Boo-hoo :). Meanwhile, in the real world, men continue to marry 30-somethings, and men continue to be the leader of the family. And, in the real world, MRAs continue to be a joke. :)
ReplyDeleteYou are of course implying that women were once oppressed by men - the premise behind Patriarchy Theory. That's a bald faced lie. Men as a class have never oppressed women as a class; they have done quite the opposite. They have sacrificed everything, including their lives, to protect, shelter and feed women. Feminists invented "patriarchy theory" a long time ago, but it didn't catch on until enough women were well protected, well sheltered and well fed enough to find aspects of that protection a bit stifling. Patriarchy theory also completely ignores that most of the social norms restricting women, were (and still are) developed and enforced by women, not men.
Delete